now that i clean rooms alone all day in silence i think about E V E R Y T H I N G, but lately its been my sister..i keep having flashbacks of her laying halfway on the bed, slowly dying from an overdose & no one doing anything to help. WHY didnt someone call me.. WHY ?! i could have saved her. but the worst part; her little baby boy, just a month old was in the room as this was happening .. thats the last time he ever saw her, and for the rest of his likfe he will never get to see what an amazing person she was. i miss her so much & i just wish there was some way i could bring her back. im scared to finish college & “grow up” without her there to help me through it. im scared to make a family & not have her in the delivery room with me, like i was with her. life just isnt what its supposed to be without her. “it gets better” is the biggest fucking lie ive ever heard. it doesnt .. i cry just as hard, if not harder every time i think of her. why couldnt it be someone else …. why did he have to take her ? </3
(via stardustandsequinss)
why couldnt i get the chance to follow my big sister around like my little sister does to me? why couldnt she sit with me for hours on end trying to get me to pronounce her name right? why couldnt we take a million pictures together being silly? why couldnt i roll around on the floor playing with her, or read a book, or have bath time together. its not fair; i love spending time with my little sister, but it makes me so angry i never got that kind of time with rachel. why couldnt i just have those little moments with my big sister before she left this world ?
my first TRUE friend in hernando county; the one who promised we’d be best friends forever is still apart of my life. we havent been 100% faithful to that promise these past 6 years, but the fact of the matter is we’re both still there for each other the second we need a shoulder to cry on. im so thankful to have her be apart of my life still.<3 wuv you silverness.
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